Today, I realized that I am still hurt.
Our past is filled with such pain and betrayal and I honestly thought I was over it all. I thought I had forgiven you for all you’ve done to contribute to the deterioration of this relationship. Then, I realized I have not.
Today, it’s all fresh again as if it were just yesterday I caught you with that woman. As if it were just yesterday you humiliated me by filing for divorce. I thought we’d made amends but, I have to admit, I’m furious.
So, I sit here alone tonight as you run around town doing this, doing that, and it hits me. I’m not your wife anymore and the daughter I call ours, isn’t. I am raising another woman’s child. I also realize that you’ll never have children with me because your child is still a baby and my body is drying up by the minute.
Tonight, I’ve realized that we are living a lie, carrying on as if this thing is real. We have no marriage, we have no children, we have nothing to validate what we’re doing here. What we do have, however, is an arrangement and, frankly, this arrangement of ours hurts too much for me to go on smiling.
I know, I know…we’ve been through so much, what’s a little more? But my dear husband…ex-husband…you’ve taken my dreams from me.
There is no more.